Haunted by the 'should haves'.

The side of Fort Hill along Paulding Street in Peekskill, NY, provides a splendid view of the town beneath it.

You ascend to the summit of Fort Hill (nearly mistaking it for Tank Hill, my sanctuary in San Francisco where I spent much of my life) and simply gaze across the treetops into the dark void, recognizing that there are things beyond your reach now, despite them occurring with an attractive individual three nights consecutively, feeling both comforting and troubling at the same time. You attempt to conceal your emotions, to appear detached and indifferent... yet... he is already aware that the pursuit has begun...

Therapy can be beneficial up to a certain point. However, after a while, it can become tiresome, akin to pretending in intimate situations. Naturally, this is challenging to do when taking the lead.

There's no disguising true feelings.

Today, I'm in a state of mind where I'm haunted by the 'should haves.' I could have wandered aimlessly in Central Park, but instead, I kept my appointments in Peekskill. We revisited setting boundaries and issues she, the therapist, raised that I had forgotten. Then, I declared I was fine with everything, when in reality, I'm not, and I voiced my expectation for our sessions to conclude... because that's what I desired.

​Maybe, just maybe, the old selfish Charles is making a comeback...his way.

Charles Pearson Theme